Some funny quotes

December 8, 2009 at 2:28 PM Leave a comment

I found some nice quotes and I want to share them with you.

I hope that you will enjoy them!

*picture from

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

A thing not worth doing isn’t worth doing well.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.

Jesus loves you! It’s everybody else that thinks you’re an ass.

Jesus is coming! Look Busy.

Lord, if I can’t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

Don’t get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It’s a lot easier on you.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

There’s no future in time travel.

For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I want patience… AND I WANT IT NOW!!!

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

I have friends who swear they dream in color…It’s just a pigment of their imagination.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

It’s sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

Alzheimer’s advantage: New friends every day.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

I bet you I could stop gambling.

I couldn’t care less about apathy.

Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.

If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.

Seen it all. Done it all. Can’t remember most of it.


Entry filed under: Fun. Tags: , , .

Lucky me, I am the new president of Romania! For Sale: Useless cat

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